It's About Me

I have spent too much time thinking and writing about Parrish.  It’s important that I do that but not at the expense of my own person and physical needs. 

I have lost sleep and been traumatized by the situations into which P’s disease inserted us.  I have been anxious and in pain while he stole my pain and anxiety medications.  I am gaining weight because I am feeding my fatigue and frustration with sweets.

Yesterday and today, while Parrish has been asleep, I have rested and written blog posts and eaten a healthy grain-based diet.  There are dishes to put away and more to wash.  I will take care of that when P is awake.  I need a shower.  

Belle is old and sick.  She is confused and I wonder about her eyesight.  Wobbly when up, she sleeps most of the time.  After two days of refusing to eat, she finally ate something yesterday.  That made it possible for her to take her medicine from Dr. Pam - an antibiotic and Remadyl and an antacid.  Dr. Pam is a mobile vet and brings her office to us.  

Belle has tumors in her mouth and her gums are in bad shape, making it difficult for her to chew.  She is too old and fragile to go under general anesthesia for a cleaning, so we manage with an all meat food that is finely ground and which she can lap up.  Tomorrow, I am going to buy her elevated bowls because when she leans over to the floor for food and water, she sometimes loses her balance.

Honey is healthy but sometimes anxious and fractious.  She snaps at Belle when Belle is getting food and she is not.  Parrish’s manic episodes of the last weeks have sent her hiding behind the toilet in my bedroom.  It’s as far away from him as she can get.  Pitiful.  God, I hope these long hours of sleep will have the benefit of settling him down a little. 

There I go, writing about Parrish and his disease again.  I can’t seem to help myself.

©2013 cjschlottman

Moving Day

I have created anew blog just for Parrish, and you can find it at Lost in His Head.  I will transfer old posts as I can.

March 19, 2013 - Things are Improving

Things with Parrish are improving.  He is calmer but extremely drowsy, having difficulty keeping his eyes open, and he has occasional slurred speech and is sometimes paranoid.  He is on several drugs that could cause a multitude of side effects but doesn’t have an appointment to see a physician at River Edge until the middle of April.  So, we do the best we can.  It would be such a gift if we had a doctor available to call at times like this.  

When things are more settled and Parrish has a place to live and we have his finances in order, maybe he can see a private psychiatrist.  Since his father and stepmother are contributing to his upkeep, we may be able to swing it.

For now, I am spending time with him about 4 days a week.  He rides along when I run errands, and we eat at Waffle House (his favorite) nearly every time we go out.  I gave him a tiny iPod I bought several years ago but decided not to give it to him then.  He was in Florida and I knew he would lose it or sell it or give it away.  He loves it.  

I am anxious and unsteady and a little afraid of what may happen.  Life with P is much easier without the manic episodes, but they have now been replaced by a sluggishness that means he sometimes cannot keep his eyes open.   It will take constant monitoring to keep Parrish on an even keel.  I should be grateful for what we have, unsatisfactory though it may be.

We have talked about a visit to the hospital for medication management.  He says he doesn’t object, saying, “Why wouldn’t I want to stop feeling like this?  If I need to go to hospital, then I will go.”  We can’t take any action until I have guardianship.

March 18, 2013 - March 21, 2013

Parrish is asleep on the big white sofa in my living room, where he has been since noon.  He’s covered with a thick felt tie dyed blanket that looks as though it came straight out of the late sixties, and he has been up twice, both times to eat.  Only his buzz cut of graying brown hair is visible and he is snoring loudly.

He has a dreadful cold and chest congestion.  I gave him cough syrup and a decongestant at noon and then again at 4:00.

So, I need to fill in some of the blanks since my last post about my son.  

Last Monday, March 18, there were severe thunderstorms in our area.  There were trees down all over town, including the front yard of the boarding house. A large pine fell over the hood of a young woman’s car as she drove down the steep driveway.  She is unharmed but the front of her car is flattened.   The other residents' cars were in the back of the house and no one could get up the driveway.    She had no money for a cab, so she stayed over at the house.   Parrish gave her his bed and slept on the floor.  

He called to tell me about all the exciting events and insisted he did not want me to come and get him.  Things were chaotic there, but he seemed to be managing.  

It was Wednesday morning when P called, anxious and perseverating.  He said there were drug deals going on in the house and that people were coming to the door asking for “Fat Mama,” the landlady.  He said Fat Mama had dozen of bottles of pills, most of which she stole from her renters, using their medicaid cards and keeping the meds.  I knew she tried to get Parrish’s application, but he gave it to me to complete.  He said that Fat Mama told him she was going to open a Direct TV account in is name.  She told P to ask me if I would co-sign a loan application with her so she could buy a new truck!  I thought he was paranoid and tried to reassure him and went to fetch him.

We went out for a drive and I continued to try reassure P and try to convince him that Fat Mama couldn’t take out a contract with Direct TV in his name.  He has no job and no credit, so I let it go, though he continued to obsess over it.  He was so sluggish, he did’t want to eat and asked me to take him home so he could sleep.

The next morning, Thursday, Parrish called, saying he was in a bad place, that he was afraid someone would hurt him, that there were drugs everywhere and he was afraid “they” would steal his meds and his phone and his iPod.  When I arrived, he was standing in the street waiting for me.  He had a note from Big Mama asking me if I would use her food assistant card and give her the cash.  She tried to sell me her food card.  Hell, it could have been someone else’s, given her propensity for applying for them in the names of her tenants.  I balled up the note and threw it in my car trash can.  P said he woke in the night to find Big Mama “borrowing” his phone because hers was dead and she needed to make calls about the tree and other things.  He foolishly let her have it.  

Parrish continued to be fearful and insist that he needed to get out of the boarding house.  He said Fat Mama “borrowed” his phone because hers had been cut off by the power outage.  I called Parrish’s number and when she answered, I told her take the phone home and put it in his room.  (I later learned she did so only after using all of his minutes).  I brought him to my house to spend the day with me while I searched for a one bedroom apartment that is affordable and safe.  I learned that there is no public housing available in this town and that none of the facilities are taking applications until next year.  

I was frustrated and Parrish was anxious and didn’t want to go back to the house.  For as long as was practical, we stayed here and avoided going.  When it was nearly too late for me to be out alone in my car, I dropped P off with a stone in my stomach.  When I got home, I called his phone but it went straight to voice mail.  Of course it did.  There were no minutes left on it.

I didn’t sleep.  I was unsettled, wondering if I should have dropped Parrish at the house.  At 1:30, the thunderstorms rolled in with multiple lightening strikes and booming thunder. 

Belle panted loudly and wandering around the room.  There was no way to sleep through that noise.  Honey climbed on my stomach and shivered.  Then she jumped down and hid behind the toilet.  Now and then, she got on the bed, then jumped back down.  I did not make this up.  

There’s more......

© 2013 cjschlottman

March 25, 2013 - Tough Decision

On Sunday morning, I drove to the motel and brought Parrish back to my house.  He was coughing and blowing and feverish.  He was amazingly calm and said he was terrified all night that the thugs from the “House” would find him and hurt or even kill him.

He said he felt safe for the first time in weeks.  I doctored his cold/flu and he lay down on the sofa and was asleep almost at once.  I began to mull over what I should do with him.  I can’t afford a motel, and as I have reported before, there is no available public housing in Macon.  

Parrish spent the entire day sleeping, only getting up for soup and the bathroom.  He coughed in his sleep and was feverish again four hours after his cold medicine.  I re-dosed him and he lay back down, again asleep in minutes.

After prayer and self-examination, I made the difficult decision to allow him to stay here.  Rosemary will understand, but most will shake their heads and decide that I have lost my mind and my resolve.  I’m okay with what any of my readers think of this decision.  I know you are there for me.

I reiterated the importance that he not show out or drink while here, saying I would have to drop him at Salvation Army if he did.  I have put him out before.  

Parrish slept all morning.  He was still sick and feverish but rode with me to fetch his Cymbalta from River Edge and to Drivers Assistance to get an ID.  It was cold and extremely windy and the line was out the door.  I decided to go today.  Back home, he slept all afternoon.

In today's mail I found a check from Parrish's father and stepmother, a very generous gift of $2500. made out to P.   There was a previous check, but that's another post.  His stepmother* found my blog and learned of our situation and messaged me on Facebook.  We have exchanged several messages over the last month and agree to leave the past where it is and move forward with a clean slate.   Her generosity will go far.  I have found a one bedroom apartment for P, and we will need furnishings.  Him having  adequate funds is a huge help to me and I am grateful.

 *  I have not yet asked her if I may publish her name

© 2013 cjschlottman