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Sunday, December 9, 2012


My brain is in a cement mixer that rolls and grinds, stops at intervals to regurgitate small pieces of my mind.  They churn into driveways and sidewalks and even concrete chickens and lawn benches. 

I am the concrete chicken, my lips forever closed.  I cannot cluck or cheep or cackle.  I sit in a concrete garden, watch as cars roll past and wait for someone to take me home.  

© 2012 cj Schlottman

Monday, December 3, 2012

Living with Memory Loss

I should be typing a new post but I am unable to  concentrate long enough to remember what I want to write down.  Belle refused to take her pill, and my reaction was to try to force it down her throat.  I continued to try and now she is pouting and I feel like shit.  She never took the pill.  The event was no doubt driven by my bad judgement.  

I just started a sentence, and for the life of me, I cannot remember what it was about.  I do remember having a Ding-Dong for lunch.

What follows is stream of consciousness.  
This afternoon, I spent about two hours trying to comment in a blog that is new to me.  The font in the comment box was so tiny, I went off line and wrote the comment on a word processing program and pasted it into the blog.  

While I was starting to write, my sort-of boyfriend called me and wanted to know if I had been to Mayo Clinic.  I have an appointment this Thursday at 2:00.  He said to call him with my results. 

I am anxious in spite of the Ativan my psychiatrist ordered for me.  I did take a shower, but a few hours later I did not remember it.  I was the first in three days.  My gait is still off balance.  Sophie took me to Walmart, and I bought 4 plastic watches.  They are grey, pink, purple and blue. They were $4.00 each.  I love them.  I sleep in one every night.  While at Walmart, I lost my phone and Sophie found it in an apple bin.  After that, she held it. 

My grocery list was on the phone but it was so discombobulated that we crossed the store twice.  I have no idea what I bought except the watches and dog food.   I do know that we got home without some of the items on the list.  As we were leaving I realized that every bone and muscle in my body was on fire with pain.  

I'm wearing a different watch every day.