A Loss for Words

09/26/10

I am at a loss for words. Me, at a loss for words. I cannot understand why my life is so out of control right now. It it seems more in control than say, a week ago, but I still feel pressure to do things that are not writing related. However, I am taking proactive measures to regain some control.

I hired a maid to come every Saturday and clean up the mess I leave each night when I come home, take a jasmine bath and go to bed, sometimes too tired to sleep well. When I get up in the morning, I glance at the dust balls and the dirty kitchen floor and the glasses sitting in the sink begging to be washed. I have time to deal with them, but it takes two cups of coffee and some alone time to wake up. So, I dress and wave at the mess as I leave for work.

Some life.

This week I am off until Saturday when I am on call for hospice, which will mean I will miss my Zona Rosa meeting in Savannah that day. That fact is painful to me. The ongoing writers’ workshop led by my mentor, Rosemary Daniell, has been an oasis for me over the years, a safe place to present my work and receive nonjudgmental feedback from a group of talented writers, not to mention Rosemary herself.

But, for the first time in weeks, I have time to sit and write, let the words that have built up inside me flow out onto the keyboard - and into my paper journal as well. It is a good and liberating thing.

I will publish this small post first, then write another. Long posts can sometimes be offputting, and this one is really a “Hello. I’m back.” Glad to be here.

© cjschlottman