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Thursday, August 29, 2013

Life's a Trade Off

Saint Simons Island

I am happy here on my island.  Honey and I walked the fitness trail yesterday afternoon and again this morning.  The trail itself is a half mile long, so the entire trip is probably three quarters of a mile.  It’s a start.  I am walking the stairs at least twice a day.

Last night I started rearranging the kitchen.  Marnie and Sophie didn’t put away things the way I want them, so I am placing my stuff where it works for me.  I am grateful for what they did.  At least, I don’t have to unpack the boxes to get to them.  

The weather is hot, but this morning is pleasant here on the deck.  By mid-afternoon there will be steam in the air even through the sunshine but I don’t care.  I am happy here.  

All my life I took the beauty of Saint Simons for granted.  Now every time I look out the window I am in awe of its splendor.  I am surrounded by ancient oaks that are dripping with Spanish moss, their limbs hanging over the roads forming mystical.  

I am concerned for Cuz.  He has lung cancer that spread to his brain and forearm before he had any symptoms.  The lesion on his forearm, which he thought was a cyst, began to grow and became painful, so he went to see his friend John Kendrick who is an orthopedic surgeon.  

X-rays and scans and biopsies followed and the metastatic lesions in his brain were found.  He will go to Moffitt cancer and research center in Tampa as soon as his doctors gather all of their findings to send with him.

Cuz has been a big part of my life - and Clint’s too - since the night before Mary Ellen’s funeral in December of 1996.  That’s 17 years this year.  I cannot imagine him being sick and in the bed and suffering.

Jesus.  I am tired of the men in my life getting sick and dying.  No, Cuz isn’t dead, but he is dying.  No matter what treatment he gets, his life will be shortened by this killer.  

Maybe one day I will understand all this loss, but I'm not counting on it.

© 2013 cjschlottman

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