07/12/10
Well, I’ve done it again, lost another piece of Clint. Will the devastation never end? While going through security at the Miami airport, I was asked to remove my gold, half-inch monogramed bangle, a gift, along with a matching dome ring, from Clint on our fifth anniversary. While being pushed and shoved, and in all the chaos, I forgot to retrieve it from the basket where I placed it.
Now, here I sit, at 31,000 feet, with another piece of my heart broken off, another piece of Clint gone forever. The losses keep piling up, and just when I begin to feel my strength and to trust my judgment, I do something like this. What in God’s name is wrong with me?
It is all I can do to prevent myself from weeping on this plane, breaking down in sobs. Shit, we all know I’m crazy. I have the papers to prove it, but must I forever be distracted and nervous and so anxious that I am careless with the things that mean the most to me?
Yes, it’s just a thing, an inanimate object. It can’t talk to me or kiss me good night or cheer me when I am sad or make love to me or wash my back, but it sure as hell made me feel better every time I put it on, a reminder of Clint’s love and exquisite taste.
What a crappy way to end what was otherwise a successful trip to Miami. I will ask the flight attendant if there is any hope of getting my treasure back, but I don’t believe there is. I am deflated, flattened once again with grief and loss.
I suppose if anything good is to come of this, it will be a poem, something I hopefully cannot lose.
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