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Friday, December 25, 2009


This whole Christmas thing has me worn out and sad. I don’t know how to act happy right now. Oh, I smiled at the wonderfully animated and gold-toothed Salvation Army bell ringer, and I said Merry Christmas and told her how cool she looked in her sparkly red earrings, hoops that must be 3-1/2 inches in diameter. She was tall, maybe six feet, and thin and she was wearing a Red Sweater with an even redder scarf around her long cappuccino colored neck. I want to be her, standing at the door to Wal Mart ringing her bell and saying hey and how are you and bless you and Merry Christmas to everyone who comes along and meaning it. I didnt put any money in her bucket and now I am sorry. I put money in other buckets. Why not hers?

My shell has cracked a few times today. I am a walking talking dichotomy, wanting to be sad and glad at the same time. It doesn’t work, so I plow along, living from minute to minute, looking over my shoulder to make sure the monster’s not there, ready to strike me down.

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