I dream that someone stole the hood ornament from my car. In the night, the black dots come back to the bathroom and my bed linens morph into puffy hills that roll in the dark like a belly dancer’s stomach.
Then there are the people and the words shooting from their mouths, missiles piercing the air. I do not know these words. Some are sharp chards of glass. Others drift about like bubbles blown from a child’s wand. They float slowly and drop onto the table, into glasses of wine and onto plates and into the bread basket. They are the lost words. I try to drink some of them, but they hold fast to the rim of the glass, dripping like Dali’s watches.
I have no words except the ones that shower down onto my little patch of sadness.
Ink black liquid drips from Belle’s neck where the vet punched the hole. She breathes deep and blows words at me. Her breath is sweet. Her words are not missiles. I can catch them. Her words are clouds of sorrow for her and for me. We look deep into one another’s eyes and we are one, this creature of magic words and I.
I wordlessly slide back my chair and walk to my car, finding the hood ornament in its place and drive myself home.
© 2012 cj Schlottman
6 comments:
This is so beautifully written, CJ.
I'm sad that it's coming from such a hard place.
Hugs.
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just caught up on your last few posts. i'm wishing you the best. i have battled depression, which i have shared. the wet blanket is so close to my own image. i turned 40 recently, and on that day i had an image of an old mattress popping out of the closet and looking to smother me. me and someone else inside me pushed the mattress back in the closet. the insight i got was that i will have to deal with depression for the rest of my life. best know where it is lurking.
the weight of possibly losing your job won't help. i think you are right to make as much of your time as you can. i love the mornings, too, and am envious of your routine. i should do more to create that space in my life. the more i limit activities and people in my life who cause me anxiety, the better i feel. much love to you.
Beautifully written and so full of feeling. Thank you CJ and be strong. X
CJ, you simply must write me and tell me what's going on! Please!!!
CJ, this is so touching and beautifully written. I can only imagine where it came from and what it took to write it. Know you are in my thoughts and I'm wrapping my virtual arms around you in a big hug, my friend.
wow, just wow
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