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Saturday, June 9, 2012

No Way To Make It Up



I can't write this down.  I am exhausted from writing an email to Rosemary.  It took me the most of an hour to finish it.  And I slept 13 hours last night.
I'm going to try to put it all down.  My voice has changed again and is throaty and scratchy.  My iPad is having trouble understanding my words. That means I have to edit more than usual.  In addition to my voice changing again, my memory is worse than ever.  My balance remains compromised.

After I fell while walking Honey on Friday, I was determined to walk her yesterday, much like getting back up on a horse after being thrown.  I was a little bit wobbly, but we did it!  Of course I know it was a stupid thing to do. This time, I had enough sense to take my cell phone with me. 
No walk today.  Honey sat by her leash and whined, but I finally made her understand that we were not going anywhere.   
It began last night when I was getting ready for bed.  I was suddenly completely off balance, and I had to grab the edge of the bed to keep myself from falling.  My legs and feet were of little use, but, I lowered myself to the floor.  With much difficulty I managed to sit Indian style.  I sat there for a few minutes and got my equilibrium back and was able to stand, however wobbly I might have been.  
Getting in and out of bed was a struggle. I had to throw myself up onto the bed and scramble around to pull my legs up. Since my arms were unable to hold me up, I could not make my nest.  I lay where I landed for a while, and finally was able to right myself.  I fluffed my pillows and organized the bed linens.  
I had to get up two times before I slept: once to let out the dogs, once to use the bathroom. More struggles every time I got in bed.  I slept 13 hours, getting up only twice.  
I woke at 12:15.  Now it is 6:00 PM and it has taken me all that time to write one email and this.
PS - Four weeks ago, I totaled my car in a head-on crash.  No one was seriously wounded.  I was taken to hospital for observation because I'm on a blood thinner.  My entire left side was all bruises and bumps.  The bruises have faded, but it still hurts to breathe. When I went to the impound lot to fetch my things, some dirt bag had stolen my hood ornament. I really wanted that ornament.  


Then there was the fall I took about six weeks ago which sent me to urgent care.  I came home with three staples in my scalp.  There is more, but you would think I am making things up.  Believe me, you can't make up this shit.
God help me.

6 comments:

Sue said...

Oh, CJ. I am sick to my stomach reading this.

And you can bet I will be adding my voice to yours in asking God to help you.

{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}

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KeLLy aNN said...

wow CJ, you've got it rougher than the cue ball on a pool table! "}
On a more serious note, I am truly sorry that you are going through this, and really hope that you get better soon. I don't know if you consider this rock bottom, but one good thing about that is that there is only one way to go and that is up! In fact, I want you to go to youtube and listen to

Up Up and Away by FiFth Dimension

http://youtu.be/5akEgsZSfhg

I'll light a candle for you on my Angel altar!

injaynesworld said...

CJ, you're in my thoughts. There must be someone who can come by and check on you regularly. You shouldn't be alone. Sending you love and wishing I was nearby to visit.

Hugs, Jayne

Judie said...

CJ!!!!! What the F*** is going on? What is the diagnosis??? I am hoping to be back in Brunswick in a few months, and I would like to drive to Macon to check up on you. How and where is Parish???

Jenny said...

CJ! This is horrible. I'm so sorry to read this. Are things any better? Do you have insurance? Can you get to a neurologist?

Sending you hugs and prayers of discovery and healing.

I'm truly sorry this has happened to you sweet lady.

Hugs and Hope.

injaynesworld said...

Thinking about you, C.J. If you can, please update your blog and let us know how you are.

Jayne